God Named You “Beloved”

This is a phrase I have been chewing on for a while now… “God named you ‘beloved'” … I think it first grabbed my attention because it’s shocking to me, that I am “beloved” to someone.

Being that I am 35 and single, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I probably will never be married and be a human’s “beloved” … and actually that realization came over 9 years ago, when the plans were “set in stone” for me to move to Paraguay. And here we are, almost a decade later, and it’s still the reality. Which, I had to learn to be ok with, but one with which I thankfully haven’t struggled with very much in those years. (We won’t talk about the years before though… )

The lovely Paraguayans specifically bring this subject up to me SO often, as having a spouse, and then children, is such a HIGH value and priority for them culturally. But, thankfully those closest to me have had enough conversations with me about it, that it has become a fading topic.

As I have continued to walk with the Lord, I have been fully convinced that He has called me here, to work a specific ministry and for a time with a specific people group, and the harsh, but real reality is that there isn’t (and aren’t!) many who are on the waiting list to be involved in this type of work and lifestyle – and even less single men my age. 😉 I have honestly been blessed that it’s a topic that He enabled me to look at with logic and has helped lead and guide my thoughts and emotions to follow that logic. I understand that it is a HUGE blessing, as that its not the case for most single people in their upper 30s.

I also understand that I have a “caracter fuerte” – “STRONG personality” in Spanish! – and so another harsh reality is that I am not everyone’s cup of tea. And, as long as we are being so real, my self esteem has historically been quite low. So, there have been so many years I have been convinced I am not worthy of friends, people’s time or affections, and that I am that person that requires “work” to be around. Or that people have to “put up with me” or that I am the person that has to be invited to an event or hang out because they feel socially obligated to.

So the fact that the God of the universe, the Creator of all things – including Katie Mae Sawyer – has given me the name “Beloved” just blows my mind. I can’t understand it. What it means. Or maybe I do know what it means but I can’t grasp why on earth He would choose to call me that.

Webster’s defines it as, “dearly loved” or “dear to the heart”.

On the contrary, the names I have heard over and over again in my mind and heart have been, just to name a few:

– Failure
– Liar
– Deceiver
– Lazy
– Not Good Enough
– Too Much
– Too Complicated
– Needy